Confessions of a Flawed Girl

EXAMS. ARE. FINALLY. OVER.

Wow congrats ryry what a great milestone! I actually survived, guys! All those late nights studying, making index card reviewers, reading academic books for almost 24/7 (god what a nightmare) – they’re all worth it.  But hey, that’s not all. I still have school outputs to finish including 4 reaction papers, 1 concept paper, Thank You letters (for school – yep ikr?) and so much more in 2 freaking days. Wow congrats ryry what a great weekend!

Anyhow, apart from admitting that I’ve been talking to myself a lot more often, I wanna do another confession about me being really insecure in my writing. Oh my god ryry, you shouldn’t. (yep you’re gonna get lots of that 😂) I haven’t been posting for days but that doesn’t mean that I haven’t been writing – I always write. I have been writing for the blog then decide at the end to not post it. There are 6 docs in total that I intended to post, but didn’t. I felt like I’m a really boring person & a really boring writer who has really boring content in store for you.

I don’t know what’s happening to me these days. I instantly feel sad even when I don’t want to. Like someone’s holding me back from saying what I need to say and that someone is me. I don’t even understand me. I know I’m OK but there’s this loneliness I feel inside like I’m just alone in the world and no one really cares about me. When I go to my blog, I feel like this belongs to someone else. Someone else I know but not me. Because the Ryry you know and I know is always happy, always saying corny jokes, but now I’m not even making any jokes anymore. I’ve gone too serious. Gosh, ryry.

Maybe this is accumulated from all the bad things that happened to me for the past years that I didn’t tell anyone about. But when I finally told them, it’s like they weren’t hearing me. I suddenly found myself writing more on the personal side because maybe – just maybe – people are more interested in what I write instead of me. Or not even interested in my writings nor me.

Here’s just some of the stuff I wrote for the past days and what I felt about them:

  • A day at school… – I had so much fun writing this. I was not holding back like I’m putting all my DNAs in this and I was so close to posting this until I thought I shouldn’t. Because it was too much of me and it wasn’t even… fun because it’s me? I don’t know.
  • Flawed inside & out – there was so much honesty in this. Literally one of my most imperfectly beautiful writings. But I’m too afraid to let people know the things that go inside my head because it would be too frightening to let people know that you’re feeling bad about yourself. I didn’t post this because I wanted happy content in my blog. That’s what I want people to see me: happy. I want to ignore all the lonely feeling inside me and deny my sadness. But I think I’m being unfair to myself because everyone feels sad and I should allow myself to feel sad. Isn’t that right ryry?
  • What it’s like to be someone else – I wrote this because I wanted to know if someone else feels the way I do or if it’s only me. Would I feel so much better if I were someone else? This is where I cut open my heart and poured it into this writing. This is too personal and too sad and too depressing that it still feels scary to let out. I don’t have the courage to speak. I really don’t.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / 

Now I’m feeling even sadder XD Can we just laugh this off? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH I know this sounds crazy & I sound crazy but I don’t care anymore. I’m done holding back. I’ve been forcing myself not post all those writings but now I kind of summarized it in this post. I wanna feel me again. I wanna write and actually share it, I wanna laugh, and I wanna make jokes. That feels more me. I guess I don’t want to be sad anymore but I’m not denying that I’m sad. I just said it: I’m sad, I’m insecure, I’m lonely, and most of the time I’m doubting myself and all the things I’m capable of doing.

It’s so refreshing to let all these out. It’s like finally pushing the refresh button and I feel OK already, finally. I haven’t been reading books too, which is surprising because the last book I read, I finished it in almost one seating. Reading now feels like reading other people’s story while I’m unable to figure out my story. So I’ll pause on that.

Right now I just wanna continue loving life and get more engaged in blogging and post as often as every day or every other day. There’s so much to smile about! Besides, talking to myself feels like getting to know who I really am lol that sound crazy XD

How are YOU guys doing? I’m making lots of new friends here in the Blogosphere and that’s just another thing to smile about. If you have a post that you think will make me laugh, do tell me! I’m dying to read it! XOXO

I love you all so much. ❤

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13 thoughts on “Confessions of a Flawed Girl

  1. YAAAAAAY YOUR EXAMS ARE OVERRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!! 😛

    Oh you shouldn’t feel hat way at all! You’re a very nice and COMPLETELY capable girl. I guess everybody is insecure, it happens to all of us, but I guess other people don’t really care what we do so we shouldn’t be so self-conscious. 😛

    And WHY the HELL would you want to be someone else?? I don’t think there’s anything about you that you could hate so much to wanna be someone else. Even if some people’s personalities or lives seem perfect, believe me, we all have stuff we totally hate and try to hide it.

    And yeah, one cool thing about blogging is that you get things out, it makes you feel really good, and the peeps in the blogosphere are really supportive! 😀

    Hope you feel in a better state of mind soon!!!! ❤ ❤

    Liked by 3 people

    1. YAAAYYYY 😂 I’m actually feeling so much better now 🙂 Thank youuuuuu, Regina ❤ You never really fail to put me in a good mood!!! 😁 Thanks for all these reminders, I promise to always keep that it mind! I know! VERY supportive – like you! Really really really thank you for that, Reg!! 💞😊

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Yaaaay I’m glad!!!! And no problem!! Awwwww really? Argh that really makes me happy, thank you! 🙂
        No problem at all, it’s my pleasure, if you ever need to talk, just know you can talk to me 🙂 ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, It seems like I want to drop a comment containing lots of word to motivate you Sister.
    But okay, All I can say…
    Never feel that way, there will be always these people to love and appreciate you for you, I mean ,Like us.
    If you’re sad, express that, show that, you can’t always manage to keep things by yourself.

    I know the feeling my dear , I hope this comforts you, hope you’re fine now.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. THANK YOU ❤
      I’m actually feeling better now 🙂 I’m having fun and laughing with my friends again! This means so much to me, Mark! 😊 Thanks for being SO nice 😊😊😊

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Aah Ryry I never knew you felt this way. Sometimes I felt like my posts are not as good as they used to me or that I’m lacking way too much motivation and communication with my posts. Some posts took me days to write because I’d write something and have no idea what to write next or just realize that it’s boring and no one would like it. But you know what? I posted it anyways because you never know who might relate to it or who it might help. Even if it doesn’t get much response , at least you were honest with your readers. I know what you mean by wanting to have positive stuff on your site but it’s okay to be honest and sad sometimes. If that’s your way to cope then do it. Personally, I just like to write stuff down without sharing it but some people do like to share it to let people know how they’re feeling. Im surrounded by a very supportive family so when I felt isolated at school (especially last year) I knew I had family forever. Maybe for you family is the friends that are always there for you. Maybe it’s your blog family. Everyone has their ups and downs but just know that it’ll pass and we are never tested with hardships we’re not able to overcome. You are strong, you are unique and you are loved.
    Wow I’m so cliche but I hope you remember this in the future. 💗
    Wow I didn’t use laughing emojis for once.
    Wow I said wow three times.
    Now 4.
    Okay I’ll stop 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You really made me smile Bayance 😂 You’re THE best!! Thank for all of these – it completely changed my perspective about blogging. Really, thank you so so so much. I’ll always keep that in mind 🙂 Honestly, I don’t know how to share all of these things to my friends or even my family. I guess they never took me seriously. When I’m sad, they don’t make it a big deal because they know I’m a happy person. Then I guess I should be a happy person and all those loneliness gets stuck inside me. It’s so hard when everything you say doesn’t sound believable to them. Aaah I wish I knew how to really break down in front of people 😂 But I know that at the end of the day, everything will be fine and I always have my fam & friends (and you!!) and that thought alone makes me smile already :))) Thank you thank you thank you ❤❤❤

      Like

      1. AWW I’m so glad I helped. You’re super welcome. I totally get how you feel – if your family doesn’t take it seriously, maybe sit down with them and explain what’s going on. I hope this loneliness finds its way out of you asap. You can do it. 💪

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Gosh I have a lot of things to say here… first of all, I regret and I’m sorry for not being here to support you when you needed it the most. I feel absolutely horrible for not being there for you, and not being able to drop a comment sooner to let you know you’re not alone.

    From reading the comments above, I am SO glad that you’re better ❤ Anyways, but I'd still like to let you know that you are not alone, Ryry. You are not a boring writer. You are not a boring person. I'm not going to lie to you: no matter how many times I, or anyone, tells you that, it's not going to help unless YOU believe it. I can't change the way you think, because I'm not you, Ryry. All I can do, is just sit halfway across the world, in front of my laptop, and supporting you with all my heart. I really wish I could do more, I really do.

    Like I said above, I'm not you. There is only ONE you. You may say that you are flawed, but think again. Isn't that what makes us human? We are not perfect – as human beings, we are prone to making mistakes, feeling insecured, and all that. And it is totally normal. What would be the point if we were all perfect? Our flaws are what makes us unique, and what makes us WHOLE.

    I'll tell you what: the Ryry I know is YOU. Just you, and only you. I understand what it feels like to feel lonely and sad for no reason. I just want to applaud you for sharing this – I can imagine how hard it may have been for you, but I want to let you know that I am so proud of you. You may have seen yourself as a flawed girl, but what I see instead is a brave girl. Acknowledging your fears, insecurities… helps you to accept them, live with them, and love yourself for who you really are. It's hard, but you are definitely on the right path. You are not perfect, but so what? That's what makes you, you. And I wouldn't want to know you any other way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww I know there were things you had to deal with during that time so no worries 😊 Besides, you’re back and that alone makes me so happy already 😂 #omgtoocheesy

      Thank you so so so much Kim ❤ I really do need this right now 😭 How do I deserve someone like you? 💘 I’ll keep that in mind forever 🙂

      Yeah I’m proud of me too 😂 This blog became my outlet and I am so thankful that I have found friends like you here 💓 Really! That’s the sweetest thing ever ☺☺☺ You mean the world to me Kimmy! Love you li’l sis ❤❤❤

      Like

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